1° giorno

Today was my first day of class. 

Geez, my first college class in a looooooong time! 

I'm ready to get my feet wet and get serious about making these changes happen soon. I don't know if I'll be able to make these changes all at once, but I'm gonna try my hardest.

The professor seems to be very interested in economics and it really shows. I know it's only the first day, but I hope the rest of the semester is as intriguing. 

reggiseno rosso

Thanks for the tea ( ^^) _旦~~

And the breakfast taco.
Thanks for letting me listen to this song on the way to Tayo's orthodontist appointment.

Thanks for being honest -_-

Thanks for saying you like me just the way I am...（●＾o＾●）
Red.

The 14th's got nothing on the ♥16th!

fortuna II

Found this in my cookie tonight!

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aspirazioni

“There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth - not going all the way and not starting.”

 -Buddha

One of my sorority sisters posted this quote on Facebook at the beginning of the month.  When I first read it I felt like crying. The thoughts and emotions it sparked were exhilarating. It was a moment of clarity and I hope to live it by the end of this year.  I'm so grateful to Anna O. for posting this becos it felt like a sign that was meant for me.

Step 1

I started looking at graduate school and pre-reqs today. It always seemed so unattainable and I was discouraged from looking.  Now I'm wondering why I hadn't done it sooner? It's easier than the mountain I had made it out to be.

Step 2

I began the application to register for the Foreign Services exam.  I don't think I'm quite ready for the February 2012 test date, but I plan on registering for the June exam.

baby steps.

*update 1/18/12
I wasn't able to say this in person today, but the enthusiasm you had for my snaillike blossoming progress is much appreciated.  The reason being becos when I mentioned grad school to Maund his response was "You need to grow up." No exclamation, non-advisory, but more like a stop-fucking-around connotation.  When I mentioned the idea and Maund's response to some Trans, Lil Z was floored and said she was surprised at his remark being that this could greatly benefit my career and our standard of living.  That's what I thought, and I felt like a kid being scolded for wanting more or something better than what I have now.
So, thank you. Thanks for being my motivation.

il primo passo

3/5/2011 @ 06:00

Saturday morning I woke up for work and decided to take a test.  As you may know it's best to take a test with the first urine of the day becos it's more concentrated.  So I laid it out while I showered.  I figured this would give it enough time and I would be focused on getting clean instead of pacing the floor waiting for a result.  Faint Positive! And no, it doesn't mean you're a little bit pregnant, but in a way it kinda does. ;)

You would think my initial reaction would be to jump for joy, but it wasn't.  My first emotion was anxiety.  I want so bad to be happy, but I'm scared I'll miscarry again.  I'm scared that if that does happen that I won't be able to handle it.  I mean obviously I will overcome whatever happens, but I don't know how long it would take to get over another broken heart.

I guess I already knew that I was pregnant.  I have been falling asleep more.  I started feeling nauseous that Wednesday evening then again Thursday evening.  That was the true test becos at 219 West I smelled the calamari appetizer when no one else did.  I think I asked Yunuen, "Do you smell that?" and instantly her and Smalls shrieked "Tranny!"  It wasn't disgusting, but I definitely smelled the fishiness.  And as much as I wanted to delve into that platter of fried calamari-O's, I stopped myself becos I'm not sure if that's one that has too much mercury.

All weekend long I teetered between excitement and anxiety until Monday when I phoned Dr. K.  I called and reported my positive test and said, "I know this sounds like a silly question, but What do I do now?"  The receptionist giggled and assured me that it wasn't a silly question.  She explained that I would have HCG Quants drawn today and again on Wednesday.  If the levels are increasing then we will proceed with an ultrasound in 2 weeks.  

*********

The last time I prayed was on "Snow Day 2011" for courage to navigate the frozen roads to work.  Lucky for me, I was one of only 3 dumbasses on the road.  So prayer answered; I made it in one piece at 20mph which apparently is speeding when driving on ice.  Prior to that was the night before my birthday.  I asked God to give me strength to accept whatever result I got from the test.  And when it came out faint positive I was grateful.  I then had to ask for strength and patience to get through the heartache.  

I really want this.  I just hope that this is really it.

dita incrociate

I took my last pill of Provera yesterday.  I'm a little excited.  The regimen involved 1 pill/day for 10 days.
It's definitely nerve-wrecking to wait around to get my period and then start taking Clomid.

sigh.
       =^_^= Fingers crossed (yn)