il primo passo

3/5/2011 @ 06:00

Saturday morning I woke up for work and decided to take a test.  As you may know it's best to take a test with the first urine of the day becos it's more concentrated.  So I laid it out while I showered.  I figured this would give it enough time and I would be focused on getting clean instead of pacing the floor waiting for a result.  Faint Positive! And no, it doesn't mean you're a little bit pregnant, but in a way it kinda does. ;)

You would think my initial reaction would be to jump for joy, but it wasn't.  My first emotion was anxiety.  I want so bad to be happy, but I'm scared I'll miscarry again.  I'm scared that if that does happen that I won't be able to handle it.  I mean obviously I will overcome whatever happens, but I don't know how long it would take to get over another broken heart.

I guess I already knew that I was pregnant.  I have been falling asleep more.  I started feeling nauseous that Wednesday evening then again Thursday evening.  That was the true test becos at 219 West I smelled the calamari appetizer when no one else did.  I think I asked Yunuen, "Do you smell that?" and instantly her and Smalls shrieked "Tranny!"  It wasn't disgusting, but I definitely smelled the fishiness.  And as much as I wanted to delve into that platter of fried calamari-O's, I stopped myself becos I'm not sure if that's one that has too much mercury.

All weekend long I teetered between excitement and anxiety until Monday when I phoned Dr. K.  I called and reported my positive test and said, "I know this sounds like a silly question, but What do I do now?"  The receptionist giggled and assured me that it wasn't a silly question.  She explained that I would have HCG Quants drawn today and again on Wednesday.  If the levels are increasing then we will proceed with an ultrasound in 2 weeks.  

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The last time I prayed was on "Snow Day 2011" for courage to navigate the frozen roads to work.  Lucky for me, I was one of only 3 dumbasses on the road.  So prayer answered; I made it in one piece at 20mph which apparently is speeding when driving on ice.  Prior to that was the night before my birthday.  I asked God to give me strength to accept whatever result I got from the test.  And when it came out faint positive I was grateful.  I then had to ask for strength and patience to get through the heartache.  

I really want this.  I just hope that this is really it.

tanti auguri a me

Wednesday, August 4 - A faint positive…could my eyes be deceiving me?  I had taken a test on Saturday before Smalls’ birthday outing and it was completely negative.  I wanted to play it safe so I opted to be the DD for that evening.  And now, on my birthday, the one gift that I’ve hoped for over a year.  I showed Maund and he didn’t believe it all.  He asked me what I thought and I said, “I’ve called this positive before for women coming to the office.”  Maund was shocked and said, “Damn, that’s hardcore!” 

At Rain with the trannies.

I got ready for work and prepared for a day full of surprises.  I was showered with some of the best gifts I could fathom.  Dr. Pepper, a ginormous, floating mug, flowers, cupcakes…the works!  All in all, I made out like a bandit at work. 

That evening we gathered with my best friends (sans 3 important people) at Uchi.  We feasted on sushi, laughed about our college indiscretions, and I shared some thoughts of their importance in my life.  The evening came to a close and so began a much needed mini vacation.  I was in need of break and some time to clear my head.

I was fortunate enough to have visited with some sorority sisters that Friday.  We enjoyed a day at Barton Springs, followed by dinner at Nuevo Leon.  It was fun to dine with sisters and just looked around the table to see Alpha, Beta, and Gamma class.  I had fun catching up with such wonderful women.

That Sunday was the day of my Birthday Tubing Extravaganza 2010.  Many of my close friends and coworkers braved the trip to Canyon Lake to float the Guadalupe.  And through this little trip, it was nice to see everyone just kick and unwind.  We’re always wound so tight at work, it felt good to let loose.  And if you’ve never floated the Guadalupe, I would highly recommend it!  The twists and turns and rapids make for a most excellent adventure…in our experience, the best Birthday Tubing Extravaganza thus far.  Well, the only one, thus far. ;)