reggiseno rosso

Thanks for the tea ( ^^) _旦~~

And the breakfast taco.
Thanks for letting me listen to this song on the way to Tayo's orthodontist appointment.

Thanks for being honest -_-

Thanks for saying you like me just the way I am...（●＾o＾●）
Red.

The 14th's got nothing on the ♥16th!

guarire

Y nadie sabe por qué un día el amor nace 
Ni sabe nadie por qué muere el amor un día...

Y volverás a esperanzarte
Y luego a desesperar
Y cuando menos lo esperes
Tu corazón va a sanar
Va a sanar
Va a sanar
Y va a volver a quebrarse
Mientras le toque pulsar

guaio

inverno, primavera, estate o autunno

This morning I picked up my phone to say "Good Morning!" and I had to put it down.  "You're an idiot," I told myself.
This is how my day started.
I jumped in the car and this was the first song playing on my iPod...

"Ain't it good to know? Ain't it good to know?"

The next song was Paul McCartney's "(I Want To) Come Home" and then my stupid iPod played Roy Orbison's "Crying." How could it possibly know the mood I was in?

I remember this was the first song I shared with you in our exchange. It was for you, becos you are dear to me. I also remember the joy I felt when I walked into my fav store and saw the music box that plays a snippet of it.  It was for you.  And when I walked in to find it on your desk I knew it had always been for you.

I also like this song and it means so much more now.  I think this video is beautiful.

"I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I'd see you again."

I don't belive it. I won't quit. I won't give up on you, on us.

In advance, I'd like to say, "Goodnight" and "Good Morning, <3"

mi dispiace, caro mio

I'm feeling a little lost. I hope you're doing better than I am. You deserve so much more than this and I'm truly sorry. If you'd like to talk, I'm here. If not, I'll understand...eventually. 

una notte

Today was a long day.  It wasn't even stressful, just long.  As I left the office, I noticed there was tons of traffic due to an accident that happened near there.  I spent a good 30 mins in traffic where it normally takes 10 mins to get home.  Once at home, I was greeted at the door by my kids. "Hey, babies! Where's your poopy dad?" And there he is, in all his glory. I find my husband moping on the couch, ready to let loose about his terrible drive home that lasted one hour.  All this before I set foot in the living room and put my bags down.

Since neither of us were in the mood to cook, I was volunteered to get take-out.  I had just loaded some music onto my iPod and wanted to listen to it, so I decided to take a detour to Chick-fil-A.  Yeah, it was out of the way and I was starving, but some music might do me some good.

Once in the drive-thru line (becos I was in my jammies and had no intention of getting out of the car) my iPod played "One Night at a Time" by George Strait and my heart melted.  My eyes started to swell with tears and I was transported to high school the minute I heard that drum intro and beautiful guitar picking.  This song, nay, this album reminds me so much of my high school sweetheart and I can picture us dancing the night away.  He was the kind of guy who when we danced held my hand like in a game of Mercy, except down by the waistline.  He liked to move that arm to the lock-step which really helped me learn how to dance. I remembered how and where he would place his hand on my back and I felt confident.  Or when he would rest his arm on my shoulder and hook it around my neck.  I guess it didn't feel so awkward considering the height difference. I remembered his half smirk and blue eyes.  All this while waiting for my Chick-fil-A order. Hilarious!

Ahhh, to be young again.   I miss those days.  Not having a care in the world, listening to music in my room for hours on end, and young love.  I laugh, but even I have to admit that it makes me smile thinking about "the good ol' days."

I love how George Strait can just stand there with the guitar, not play it, mind you, and still look gorgeous.
le sigh.

beto

In the studio - Sept 23-26

 

Pecan Street Festival - Sept 25

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

malinconica

16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom are just a couple of my guilty pleasures.  I HEART reality TV! Last night was 16 & Pregnant: Adoption Special and I was stoked becos earlier I had spent a little over 4 hours in an Adoption Resources training for work.  It's interesting that in all the seasons of these shows, only 3 cast members had chosen adoption.  One cast member had a scheduling conflict and wasn't on the show and the two that did attend were on different ends of the spectrum.  I mean, there was one girl who was completely confident that she made the right decision and takes pride in the fact that her daughter is with a great couple.  The other girl stated that she regret her decision and wondered why no one stopped her and goes on to ask if no one thought she could do it by herself?  Well...she chose to do a kin adoption and a month after relinquishing her rights she calls her aunt and uncle and asks for the baby back.  She then goes on to care for the baby for a minute and gives her back to the aunt and uncle.  It goes to show that a teen can't understand that permanency is best for a baby.

But in watching this special it was heartbreaking to see that these girls were experiencing such a grief at such a young age.  Another section of the special showed how there is a support group for teen mothers who have chosen adoption.  It got me thinking and I started doing a search for support groups here in Austin for myself.  I figured a good resource was The Bump since it covers all aspects of pregnancy.  What I didn't consider was that the last time I had visited this site was when I was pregnant.  So when I logged on I was greeted with a message in happy, obnoxious writing exclaiming "YOU'RE 22 WEEKS PREGNANT!"  I about lost it. I immediately edited my profile and made a couple of changes to memorialize this loss. 

I had trouble getting to sleep and when I decided to go to bed I ended up crying into my favorite pillow.  I didn't want to wake my husband, plus he was already annoyed with work that he had brought home.  Seriously annoyed would be a better term.  I hate when he gets into these moods.

I feel alone. I know I'm not, but I can't help but feel so lonely.

le cose semplice

salvami

Today was supposed to be a great day.  How did it end up like this?  It started out mediocre.  I thought about waking you up, but I stopped myself.  I got ready for work and made breakfast.  I heard my texting ringer and I rushed to see if it was you, but it wasn't. 

At work I enjoyed the silence of my office for a minute and then JayKay walked in.  I had delusions of getting a mountain of tasks done, but I wasn't able to focus.  I couldn't concentrate on any single task.  It took me all day to read over 6 policies; something I could have normally completed in an hour or two.  I was even inclined to ask if I could leave early. I didn't feel well at all and I remembered that JayKay and I recently decided we would ask staff to leave their personal lives at home.  I need to lead by example.  How can I expect others to take me seriously if I'm having trouble following these same rules?

Today my mind was "...gone, but I don't know where."  No joke.  It wasn't until after lunch that I realized yesterday I had designated a large task to myself to complete today.  No pussyfootin' around, I called Dr. K's office and asked what the next step would be?  I had some blood work done in May and was told that my pregnancy hormone levels had reached zero again.  That was exciting news to me at that time, until Dr. K instructed me to call back in a month for the next step.  I was so upset, but a month has gone by and I'm more than ready.  This is what I want.

After speaking with Dr. K's office it was decided that I will begin a Provera regimen.  That's a pill a day for 10 days.  I should start my period within 10-14 days and then call in for Clomid, I assume, that part wasn't discussed.

Besides not being able to focus, I received a letter from the state declining to pay an invoice I had sent regarding medical records.  I was just going off of direction from my higher-ups and I laughed becos I should have known better, but ah, these things happen.  I took me a good 20 minutes to fill out the affidavit they requested with the records.  It wasn't difficult to read, I just couldn't focus.  

On the way home I blocked out the majority of the drive.  How did I get home in one piece?  I needed to stop by the pharmacy to pick up my medication, but it looked way too crowded and I went home instead. Dinner consisted of chili dogs: kosher dogs, grated cheddar, plush bun...nice, right? During my last visit to HEB I decided to try out a different chili.  Today was not the day to try new things.  Today was a day for comfort foods.  If you couldn't guess, the chili was a no go.  Another disappointment.

After dinner I left to pick up my meds and it turns out that half of the parking lot is under construction.  No worries, I don't mind parking a little further, I need the exercise.  Once I got to the pharmacy I was surprised to see that there was practically no line.  Normally there's a 30 minute wait just to talk tosomeone around this time! Not today.  The lady before me was in a motorized cart and took up both counters.  I was waiting patiently for her to move out of the way and 2 other people lined up behind me. Outta nowhere, this Spanish speaker approaches the counter and another pharmacy tech tends to her.  Turns out that she needs to pick up a prescription, too, but instead of having her wait in line like the rest of us, she goes before me.  Guess what, I speak Spanish, too! Maybe I wasn't in the mood to wait! Maybe I just want to get the hell out of there and continue this shitty day! The pharmacist tends to me and I end up speaking with the girl who skipped me.  She gives me this attitude.  Hey, I could have raised hell, but I waited.  I didn't complain out loud, but in my head I was yelling. She asks me to confirm my prescription and was getting ready to check me out, but I have a new insurance which she never bothered to confirm.  When I mention this she rolls her eyes and tells me it will take 5 minutes.  As I step aside to wait I can feel the tears coming on.  Was this the straw that broke the camel's back?  My eyes welled with tears and the customer behind me noticed and gave me a look of "aww, I understand" or "aww, it's okay" and I smiled slightly, averted my eyes and tried to think of happy things.  By now the pharm tech was ready, I paid and left. 

I almost lost it at HEB, but instead I came home, changed into my pjs, curled up in bed and let a little stress go.  I don't have anyone to share this with.  That's a lie. I choose not to share this stuff.  That's why I have the entire worldwide web, an abyss of cyberspace where my thoughts can get lost. I choose not to share with people I know becos if you could really see inside my mind you'd wonder why I haven't been committed yet.  

My theme music for today 

come un sole che sorge

My morning drive to Killeen has been rather enjoyable lately.  Granted it's not a drive that I make often, but when I do I get a chance to enjoy my music, a cool breeze, and the countryside. And since it's summertime, the road is well lit, even at 06:15 in the morning.  I would have to say that driving on Phantom Warrior Highway is always the highlight of the drive.  Minus the 2 lane highway and always getting stuck behind an 18-wheeler.  But for over 3 years now I've been telling myself I need to take pictures of certain scenery.  I hope to follow through with this soon enough. 

After passing through Florence, TX, I noticed a massive rain cloud blocking the sunlight.  At that moment Come un sole che sorge by il Nucleo started playing on my iPod.  And when Andrea sings "...meravigliosa sorgente di luce" is when the sun started to shine through the darkness with such splendor! It was so perfectly timed, so well orchestrated, that I started to smile.  Paying more attention to the lyrics and having the sun follow me, peeping in and out of the cloud, I began to tear up.  So here I am driving with tears in my eyes, singing at the top of my lungs, and basking in the glory of a star that sits approximately 93 million miles away!

Now the ending of this song is one that I really enjoy. "Sono un sole che sorge! Un'altro piccolo sole che sorge..." and as I'm singing these last couple of lines the sun is to my right and reaffirming the goodness present today.

So this positive, energetic feeling got me thinking about Roma and hanging out with the band.  My anthem for that summer was Sospeso.  It was my introduction to il Nucleo, and come to think of it, it might have been the rest of Italy's introduction to the band, too.  July 4, 2003, I was scheduled to travel to Firenze with some classmates, but instead I stuck around Roma for work.  I was in much need of some me time and loçkë had gone to Kaçanik for a quick visit.  The week prior I had spent my afternoons visiting the different music stores looking for their album Meccanismi.  Everyone I asked knew nothing about them or didn't have it in stock.  I finally decided to visit their website and look for the actual release date.  I saw that instead they would be playing inside Messaggerie Musicali on Via del corso! I was super excited about both being able to see the band live and the fact that this was taking place on Independence Day! 

I had asked Rose and Nevin if they wanted to join me since they stayed behind, too.  And when I got to the store I was alone.  The crowd was scant to say the least (less than 20 and that's a stretch) and my friends ended up showing a little late, but they made it and helped the turnout look a little better.  The band came out and Rose and I were amazed at how beautiful they were!  I was so mesmerized by the music and how they played and how they were dressed and how they acted.  I was In LoVe!  After the set I went and purchased their CD and contemplated on having them sign it.  I was nervous and shy and it took some coaxing, but Rose made me approach them for their autographs.  I opened with, "Sono venuta dal Texas solo a vedervi!"  Texas was my foot in the door.  Andrea and Marcello exclaimed, "Ah, Texas!" and Marcel began to talk about a Houston experience.  After taking pix and getting the autographs, I walked back to Rose and Nevin and stood star struck for a moment.  

I noticed that all the hub bub was dying down and the band was still there.  I felt invincible and asked Rose and Nevin if I should ask them out.  "It couldn't hurt," was Rose's response and Nevin agreed.  So I summed up all my courage and approached the band.  I asked if I could buy them a drink and to my surprise they were more than excited.  We walked down to Trinity College and enjoyed some drinks, we talked about their experiences on their small tour, Texas, music and Andrea made a remark about being in Roma for the first time.  I was taken aback and offered them a tour of Rome called "Roma...by Night" which uncle Mario had taken us on our first night there.  Aunt Suzy's boyfriend was excited to practice his English and his night tour included 5 people crammed into a tiny white hatchback driving at lightning speed along very narrow roads to see some historical sights...by night. Just thinking about it makes me smile. We walked EVERYWHERE! La Fontana di Trevi, Piazza di Spagna, Piazza Venezia, Piazza del Popolo, Largo Argentina, il Colosseo, il Foro Romano, Mussolini's balcony (Andrea did a great impersonation), Via Veneto (Little America), Via Condotti, Piazza Navona, Trastevere...everywhere!  We ended with Trevi and threw in some change to return to Roma one day.  Gosh, those ragazzi really made that Independence Day memorable and it's nice to know that they haven't forgotten about their #1 fan dal Texas.  

babbo

Seeing my uncle in a fragile condition has got me thinking more and more about my Pops.  He's no "spring chicken" - as he would say- and now that I'm older I'm starting to worry.  I recently started listening to classic country again, thanks due to my Tio Nene, and it's very comforting.  I downloaded a couple of tracks from VH1 Storytellers: Johnny Cash & Willie Nelson and the pair reminds me so much of my Pops and Tio Nene.  This all started becos I promised to make some CDs for my uncle.  I'm hoping it will help him recuperate much faster.

Tio is definitely Johnny Cash.  Tall, dark figure, moody, charismatic when he wants to be, but a serious stern look on his face when he's not smiling.  Pops on the other hand is all Willie Nelson.  Laid back, happy, a true cowboy and serious when he wants to be, very personable minus being a pothead.  Besides these characteristics, it got me thinking about growing up country and how my dad absolutely loved "On the Road Again."  

I wonder if settling down was tough for him.  He seems like the kind of man that could keep on driving forever.  He loves the drive, the sights, the people, but most of all, I think he loves singing to music.  So when I was in the 5th grade, my sister had married and moved to Killeen a year prior becos her husband was in the military.  I was 10 years old and had no earthly idea where or what Killeen was.  All I knew was that my sister was there and we were gonna go visit.  I was pretty excited to see her after so long and was even more surprised when my Pops handed me a map of Texas and told me to map a route from Sabinal to Killeen and avoid the interstates.  Who does that?  I was totally stoked and grabbed a pencil and started making a route through towns in the Hill Country that I was already familiar with.  Was I that smart or did my Pops have that much faith in my map routing abilities?  Just think, a 10 yr old planning a driving trip, that's crazy!

I remember that first trip.  We spent somewhere between 4-5 hours on that trip.  Only recently did I realize that trip should have only taken 3 hours! The roads were alive with wildflowers and Texas rain.  We traveled through Hondo, Bandera, Pipe Creek to 281.  Then headed north through Johnson City, Marble Falls, Lampasas, then East through Copperas Cove and finally Killeen.  And we stopped EVERYWHERE! I remember getting some good chicken tenders and potato wedges at this chicken place that had a chicken mascot wearing a cowboy hat.  Or seeing the sky turn different shades of pink/orange/gray with the dusk.  It took a long time, but we spent the whole time listening to country music and singing at the top of our lungs.  Looking back I wonder if Mum was at all annoyed by us.  Have you ever seen Heartbreak Kid with Ben Stiller? That beginning part where they're traveling to Mexico and his bride has been singing the whole way? That's what we did.  I wonder why Mum never said anything?

These are the songs that really stick out in my mind.  The lyrics have no relevance to my life or that particular time frame, but the music takes me back to those trips.  It was always cool, weather-wise, I remember that. When I hear these songs I feel like I'm sitting in between my folks in that 1980's red Ford pickup just singing away with my Pops.  But most of all I remember being at peace, happiness and feeling safe. I had it made back then. 

George Strait - So Much Like My Dad

Mark Chesnutt - I'll Think of Something

-_-

sui tuoi nei

troppo presto

Not just yet. :(

The doctor said that they prefer to use Ovidrel once the follicle is measuring 17mm.  My largest one today only measured 14.8mm.  He asked me to return tomorrow and now I'm really hoping I hit 17mm.

Once I left the office I was alright.  Although lately I've been paying more attention to songs and my music just got to me.  I cried in the car.  Maybe it was outta shear frustration, but it made me sad.

It's okay, I'll get through this.  I just have to wait till tomorrow.

pioggia

JUNE 14, 2007 entry taken from my previous blog

It was the kind of day that makes you wanna neglect all responsibilites, hit the park, and just gaze into the sky.

I find myself doing that alot. No, not skipping work, but wanting to just take off. Luckily, my office has a very nice, tranquil spot away from all the huh-bub. You can always find me here, listening to my iPod and enjoying the nature around.

Friday was one of those days; an absolutely beautiful day...except for the humidity. The sun was shining one minute and then it became gray and dark. I heard one of my coworkers mention that there was rain coming in from the north, but I didn't think it would hit Austin that soon. I noticed some droplets fall next to me, but decided to stick around and enjoy the relief from the heat.

In just a blink of an eye, the clouds parted once more and the sun popped out. I looked up into the sky and could see the droplets of water floating down to meet me. I'd never seen this before; either it's raining too hard or I just never cared to notice. Each drop seemed to have a partner as it fell from the sky and they danced, too. They twirled around, swayed back and forth; very beautifully orchestrated. The slightest breeze simply threw the pairs off course. It was breathtaking and made me appreciate what an amazing thing Mother Nature is and yet so simple.

It was a brief moment, but all seemed to be right in the world.

l'amore cos'è?

JANUARY 31, 2007 entry taken from my previous blog

The other night I was flippin' through channels and came across The Hills on MTV. This show is a spin off of Laguna Beach w/ the original character LC. Now, I have to admit that sometimes I get caught up in their drama. Why? Becos it's made for TV and it's my guilty pleasure. (along w/ I ? New York) Anyway, there was a scene where this guy takes LC to his condo and they're out on his balcony and he simply whispers,

"There's nowhere in the world that I'd rather be than right here with you."

There was a part of me that thought "Awwww, how sweet." While the other part of me thought "That's such bullshit, do guys really think like this? or is he just saying it becos the cameras are on?" So it got me to thinking...

"What is Love?"

I want to know. It should be a simple answer, right? Why does it make one so crazy? What is it about another person that makes us all googly-eyed and seem like we're floating on air? Have you ever been so caught up in someone that you lose track of who you are? That can't be healthy, right? And why is it that we always want what we can't have? Or why we want different things at the same time? Why? Why is it that musicians write these beautiful love songs and give us false hope of believing that such a Love exists? For example, Edwin McCain's I Could Not Ask For More or Daniel Beddingfield's If You're Not the One. I mean there are different levels of Love. But which one is right for me?

I used to think that I wanted a Love where I knew I couldn't live without that person. Somehow, that would let me know that he was right for me. But the more I think about it now, the more it scares me to think that if this one person isn't in my life…then life isn't worth living? That can't be right. Does my life have less value if the person I can't live without isn't there? Obviously, life feels great/better with that person around.