aquiloni

Thanks for my first Zilker Kite Festival! 

 

     

crostino

A crouton of deer.
:)
This was all I could think about today.

The 14th's got NOTHING on the 13th!

bolle

Before I forget:
coffee
stroll in the park
chicken tortilla soup
bubbles
chocolate covered strawberries in the driveway*
panko egg plant


Feb 13, my new favorite.

sospiro

Do you ever sigh and people ask you what's wrong? Nothing is wrong, I'm just compelled to sigh.  Well that's what I did, but instead I just whispered your name. Your name is a breath of fresh air.  I felt a little overwhelmed for a minute today and I whispered your name.  It felt good. Really good, actually. How is it possible that one letter can make all my worries disappear? Huh? Tell me!

Sometimes I wonder what a cardiologist would think about my heartbeat. Erratic? Definitely. It beats faster when you're around, but also I think it would be slower, calmer knowing you're near. Even when you're not around and you pop into my thoughts my heart rate jumps. <3 <3 <3 <<<<3

il primo passo

3/5/2011 @ 06:00

Saturday morning I woke up for work and decided to take a test.  As you may know it's best to take a test with the first urine of the day becos it's more concentrated.  So I laid it out while I showered.  I figured this would give it enough time and I would be focused on getting clean instead of pacing the floor waiting for a result.  Faint Positive! And no, it doesn't mean you're a little bit pregnant, but in a way it kinda does. ;)

You would think my initial reaction would be to jump for joy, but it wasn't.  My first emotion was anxiety.  I want so bad to be happy, but I'm scared I'll miscarry again.  I'm scared that if that does happen that I won't be able to handle it.  I mean obviously I will overcome whatever happens, but I don't know how long it would take to get over another broken heart.

I guess I already knew that I was pregnant.  I have been falling asleep more.  I started feeling nauseous that Wednesday evening then again Thursday evening.  That was the true test becos at 219 West I smelled the calamari appetizer when no one else did.  I think I asked Yunuen, "Do you smell that?" and instantly her and Smalls shrieked "Tranny!"  It wasn't disgusting, but I definitely smelled the fishiness.  And as much as I wanted to delve into that platter of fried calamari-O's, I stopped myself becos I'm not sure if that's one that has too much mercury.

All weekend long I teetered between excitement and anxiety until Monday when I phoned Dr. K.  I called and reported my positive test and said, "I know this sounds like a silly question, but What do I do now?"  The receptionist giggled and assured me that it wasn't a silly question.  She explained that I would have HCG Quants drawn today and again on Wednesday.  If the levels are increasing then we will proceed with an ultrasound in 2 weeks.  

*********

The last time I prayed was on "Snow Day 2011" for courage to navigate the frozen roads to work.  Lucky for me, I was one of only 3 dumbasses on the road.  So prayer answered; I made it in one piece at 20mph which apparently is speeding when driving on ice.  Prior to that was the night before my birthday.  I asked God to give me strength to accept whatever result I got from the test.  And when it came out faint positive I was grateful.  I then had to ask for strength and patience to get through the heartache.  

I really want this.  I just hope that this is really it.