tuffiamoci!

Yesterday was awesome! I'm really glad I got to enjoy Barton Springs Pool with you. You looked so good! The whole point of Monday was to make sure your birthday week got off to a great start. I think finding a front parking spot was a good omen. Ya know, come to think of it, I don't think I've ever parked that close during swimming season.

There are just so many things about yesterday that made me so happy. Being in the sun, eating Pulparindo*, having you massage the lotion on my back, seeing you sporting shades, huddling together for warmth in that crazy cold water, pub food & $1.50 margaritas at Sean Patrick's, hanging out on the banks of the San Marcos River until everyone was gone, spotting the moon through all the cloud cover on our cliff. Yeah, man, yeah -_-

I don't know if you noticed, but diving in the pool was another classic example of Aries/Leo. I was thinking about it last night and it may just be my favorite part about yesterday. You had absolutely no qualms about just diving in! Yet there I clung to the wall, terrified of the worst case scenario what-ifs. Just from my perception, you were so patient. You let me get comfortable and try all these different points of entry and still I was scared to jump in. Even after you jumped in and survived, I was hesitant. Not becos of the temperature, but becos I couldn't see the bottom and didn't want to drown. I know that sounds silly, becos there are a million lifeguards there AND those 3 women were a foot away (surely they knew how to swim). But seeing you jump made me want to do it, too. Even though I saw your success, I was still too timid to try. 

I don't know what it was that gave me enough courage to dive in? Maybe I didn't want to get left behind? The more and more I thought about that experience, the more it seemed to parallel our lives. You wrote, "Our marriages were not the same, and neither will our divorces be." You dove in and tested the waters just like you began this process of a divorce. I did reconnoissance of the area to determine where I wanted to enter just like I took time to decide that divorce was a right decision. You made it look so easy to jump in and out of the freezing water just like you made coming to a decision and going through with this divorce look easy. I struggled for a bit to overcome my fear of jumping in to that same freezing water just like I struggled for so long to tell Maund that I wanted a divorce. But through all of this, you were patient. I wouldn't be able to do this without you and I have a feeling that there are so many other things we will learn from each other...soon.

I admire your strength, my darling, and I'm glad to have you in my life. 

Happy 26th Birthday, Love!

*I apologize in advance for probably giving you lead poisoning. Well, that's what the wiki page says. Umm, yeah, Sorry and I Love You :)

aquiloni

Thanks for my first Zilker Kite Festival! 

 

     

il sentiero

I like urban hiking with you.

Thanks for entertaining my doomsday/post apocalyptic scenarios. Plus, I think you're right and we should start preparing some bug out packs. Maybe we should start a list (hehehe) of items we would need, just in case. Even start working on our balance with the Wii would be a good start. But I really need some hiking boots and I need to get my ankles stronger.

It goes without saying that the best part of our hike was laying in the field.  The sunlight coupled with the cool breeze was enough to make me want to lay out there all day! But honestly, it doesn't matter what we're doing or where we are, as long as I'm with you. That's all I need.

sospiro

Do you ever sigh and people ask you what's wrong? Nothing is wrong, I'm just compelled to sigh.  Well that's what I did, but instead I just whispered your name. Your name is a breath of fresh air.  I felt a little overwhelmed for a minute today and I whispered your name.  It felt good. Really good, actually. How is it possible that one letter can make all my worries disappear? Huh? Tell me!

Sometimes I wonder what a cardiologist would think about my heartbeat. Erratic? Definitely. It beats faster when you're around, but also I think it would be slower, calmer knowing you're near. Even when you're not around and you pop into my thoughts my heart rate jumps. <3 <3 <3 <<<<3

guaio

lvivske

First thing I see when I wake up each morning...

...Last thing I see when I go to bed each  night.

inverno, primavera, estate o autunno

This morning I picked up my phone to say "Good Morning!" and I had to put it down.  "You're an idiot," I told myself.
This is how my day started.
I jumped in the car and this was the first song playing on my iPod...

"Ain't it good to know? Ain't it good to know?"

The next song was Paul McCartney's "(I Want To) Come Home" and then my stupid iPod played Roy Orbison's "Crying." How could it possibly know the mood I was in?

I remember this was the first song I shared with you in our exchange. It was for you, becos you are dear to me. I also remember the joy I felt when I walked into my fav store and saw the music box that plays a snippet of it.  It was for you.  And when I walked in to find it on your desk I knew it had always been for you.

I also like this song and it means so much more now.  I think this video is beautiful.

"I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I'd see you again."

I don't belive it. I won't quit. I won't give up on you, on us.

In advance, I'd like to say, "Goodnight" and "Good Morning, <3"

un giorno da dimenticare

So this is what it feels like to lose someone you love.
Wow.
Today, it feels like my world slipped away.
I know I shouldn't care or wonder where and how you are.
But I can't hide the hurt inside my broken heart.
But I know I'm not supposed to love you anymore.

"I'll find so many things to do that I won't have the time to think of her.
And then if she's still on my mind I'll try to drink enough to drown the hurt.
And if that don't work...

I'll think of something."

You know the funny thing is I still can't bring myself to bite my nails!  That's stupid, right? And all this because you made that remark.

I can't give you what you want right now.

I don't know why I thought I could?

I tried to plan things out, when what I should have done was jumped.  

A leap of faith.

It's true, though, you're better off without me. 

You can focus on school. Fall in love. Work in something you love! Have babies. 

You deserve that more than anyone else I know.

Today you said "there's no one day."  I read that as we were closing up the office in Killeen and my heart dropped.  Yet another reason to add to the "Killeen cons" list.  Nothing good ever comes out of Killeen.

But I don't believe it.  

"I didn't find a perfect moment, because I think that today was just about just having today. And I think that we are one of those couples with a long story, when people ask how they found each other. 

I will see her every now and then, and... 

Maybe one year she'll be with somebody, and the next year, I'll be with somebody, 

and it's gonna take a long time... 

And then it's perfect. 

I'm in no rush."

The love that I have for you isn't something that will fade.  If anything, it's allowed me to see the changes I need to make. To be happier with myself. To be happier with life, eventhough it feels impossible right now. 

I feel sad, lost, angry. At one point I was trying to rationalize things and thought, "He doesn't mean it.  It's like pushing someone away when you don't want to. Tough Love." But as I sit here writing, my heart is aching becos I know that's not the truth, is it?

One day, I hope to see you.  

I hope to see you smiling back at me.  

I hope to look into your kind eyes and see my good friend. 

But until then, I'll wait. 

Even if it takes another lifetime. 

buon anno

JANUARY 4, 2007 entry taken from my previous blog

New Year’s Eve got off to a rocky start. As usual, it took me longer than anticipated to get ready, but once we left it was smooth sailing…or so I thought. Now being that I was in a hurry, I decided to take Mopac down to Cesar Chavez, but little did I know that street was closed due to the festivities. So I had to turn around and get onto S. Lamar only to have my “low fuel” light sound off like a four fire alarm. Luckily, there was a gas station not too far down the road near Barton Springs.

After gassing up and getting situated, we finally get to Lisa’s house and begin consuming a moderate amount of food and drinks. It wasn’t too happening there, so we took off to my friend Donato’s house. Now, I’ve been to Donny’s New Year’s Eve bash for the past 3 yrs and I always have fun. This year was no different and I hate to admit it, but this year’s party was the best of them so far…atleast for me it was.

The invite read:

“Menudo & margaritas. Musicians, feel free to bring your instruments. Partiers, feel free to bring your party. Comelones, feel free to bring your appetite. Borrachos/as, feel free to b.y.o.b.........”

The minute I walked through the door, Donato beckons for me to come over to where he’s standing. He says, “Hey baby, glad you could make it. Go sing us a little song.” I was stunned and didn’t know what the crowd wanted to hear, so Donny suggests Crazy by the late great Ms. Patsy Cline. So I ask the band to play and I belt out Crazy as best as I can. The crowd was very kind and showered me w/ compliments afterwards, but one gentleman in particular felt the need to stroke my ego for a good half hour. (one of the most attractive 57yr old men I’ve ever met!) Now who am I to back down from a compliment? So of course I let the man sing his praises.

We continued to party well past the New Year, and then the music got interesting. This other man, whom I didn’t catch his name, busts out playing beautiful classical guitar. He says, “Let’s play this, but watch me becos it’s gonna pick up.” He begins playing Do You Want To Know A Secret? by the Beatles and my jaw hits the floor. Well into the piece he drops a tropical/salsa style into the song which just compliments the party soooooooooo well. I jumped in w/ the little egg shaker and the whole room was totally feeling it. My friend Mario joined in on bongos and the accordionist just let it rip during a mini solo. The whole place was alive w/ a tropical sound and the Beatles. I know this sounds like the craziest mix, but it worked well that night. The music got better and better and I ended my set with Amor Eterno which was a good somber song for me to end on.

All are extremely gifted musicians, but then again I have to say that about Mario becos I think the world of this guy. It seems as though we connect on so many different levels including music and I enjoy the time we spend w/ each other. He’s the only one that seems to get that one lone pitch of a minor chord can send me to tears if it’s in the right progression. OR that you can see music in wave patterns and different colors w/o ever seeing it on a computer screen. OR that you can be instantly transported through time w/ a simple intro of a song. And that making your own guitar/trumpet solo impersonations are absolutely necessary when expressing your love for a song. This guy gets it and that’s why I’m glad he’s in my life.

And as cheesy as it sounds I felt the need to express how appreciative I was to be standing in the same room w/ such talented individuals. It was a breath of fresh air to “jam” w/ people who know what they’re doing. Plus, I got picked up for vocals at future gigs w/ some of these people, so of course I’m super excited!

Hope ya’ll enjoyed your New Year’s Eve as much as I did. Good luck to all in 2007!