una notte

Today was a long day.  It wasn't even stressful, just long.  As I left the office, I noticed there was tons of traffic due to an accident that happened near there.  I spent a good 30 mins in traffic where it normally takes 10 mins to get home.  Once at home, I was greeted at the door by my kids. "Hey, babies! Where's your poopy dad?" And there he is, in all his glory. I find my husband moping on the couch, ready to let loose about his terrible drive home that lasted one hour.  All this before I set foot in the living room and put my bags down.

Since neither of us were in the mood to cook, I was volunteered to get take-out.  I had just loaded some music onto my iPod and wanted to listen to it, so I decided to take a detour to Chick-fil-A.  Yeah, it was out of the way and I was starving, but some music might do me some good.

Once in the drive-thru line (becos I was in my jammies and had no intention of getting out of the car) my iPod played "One Night at a Time" by George Strait and my heart melted.  My eyes started to swell with tears and I was transported to high school the minute I heard that drum intro and beautiful guitar picking.  This song, nay, this album reminds me so much of my high school sweetheart and I can picture us dancing the night away.  He was the kind of guy who when we danced held my hand like in a game of Mercy, except down by the waistline.  He liked to move that arm to the lock-step which really helped me learn how to dance. I remembered how and where he would place his hand on my back and I felt confident.  Or when he would rest his arm on my shoulder and hook it around my neck.  I guess it didn't feel so awkward considering the height difference. I remembered his half smirk and blue eyes.  All this while waiting for my Chick-fil-A order. Hilarious!

Ahhh, to be young again.   I miss those days.  Not having a care in the world, listening to music in my room for hours on end, and young love.  I laugh, but even I have to admit that it makes me smile thinking about "the good ol' days."

I love how George Strait can just stand there with the guitar, not play it, mind you, and still look gorgeous.
le sigh.

babbo

Seeing my uncle in a fragile condition has got me thinking more and more about my Pops.  He's no "spring chicken" - as he would say- and now that I'm older I'm starting to worry.  I recently started listening to classic country again, thanks due to my Tio Nene, and it's very comforting.  I downloaded a couple of tracks from VH1 Storytellers: Johnny Cash & Willie Nelson and the pair reminds me so much of my Pops and Tio Nene.  This all started becos I promised to make some CDs for my uncle.  I'm hoping it will help him recuperate much faster.

Tio is definitely Johnny Cash.  Tall, dark figure, moody, charismatic when he wants to be, but a serious stern look on his face when he's not smiling.  Pops on the other hand is all Willie Nelson.  Laid back, happy, a true cowboy and serious when he wants to be, very personable minus being a pothead.  Besides these characteristics, it got me thinking about growing up country and how my dad absolutely loved "On the Road Again."  

I wonder if settling down was tough for him.  He seems like the kind of man that could keep on driving forever.  He loves the drive, the sights, the people, but most of all, I think he loves singing to music.  So when I was in the 5th grade, my sister had married and moved to Killeen a year prior becos her husband was in the military.  I was 10 years old and had no earthly idea where or what Killeen was.  All I knew was that my sister was there and we were gonna go visit.  I was pretty excited to see her after so long and was even more surprised when my Pops handed me a map of Texas and told me to map a route from Sabinal to Killeen and avoid the interstates.  Who does that?  I was totally stoked and grabbed a pencil and started making a route through towns in the Hill Country that I was already familiar with.  Was I that smart or did my Pops have that much faith in my map routing abilities?  Just think, a 10 yr old planning a driving trip, that's crazy!

I remember that first trip.  We spent somewhere between 4-5 hours on that trip.  Only recently did I realize that trip should have only taken 3 hours! The roads were alive with wildflowers and Texas rain.  We traveled through Hondo, Bandera, Pipe Creek to 281.  Then headed north through Johnson City, Marble Falls, Lampasas, then East through Copperas Cove and finally Killeen.  And we stopped EVERYWHERE! I remember getting some good chicken tenders and potato wedges at this chicken place that had a chicken mascot wearing a cowboy hat.  Or seeing the sky turn different shades of pink/orange/gray with the dusk.  It took a long time, but we spent the whole time listening to country music and singing at the top of our lungs.  Looking back I wonder if Mum was at all annoyed by us.  Have you ever seen Heartbreak Kid with Ben Stiller? That beginning part where they're traveling to Mexico and his bride has been singing the whole way? That's what we did.  I wonder why Mum never said anything?

These are the songs that really stick out in my mind.  The lyrics have no relevance to my life or that particular time frame, but the music takes me back to those trips.  It was always cool, weather-wise, I remember that. When I hear these songs I feel like I'm sitting in between my folks in that 1980's red Ford pickup just singing away with my Pops.  But most of all I remember being at peace, happiness and feeling safe. I had it made back then. 

George Strait - So Much Like My Dad

Mark Chesnutt - I'll Think of Something

un ricordo

I'm feeling a little nostalgic today.  There are so many emotions present that make me look back and wonder "what if?" I ask myself, "Why are you beating yourself up?" I don't have an answer and I don't pretend to, but one day I would like to find one. 

Tomorrow is cycle day 13 and I'll be having an ultrasound to look at my ovaries.  My doctor will be able to tell if the follicles are ready to let loose and if not, then hormones, Hormones, HORMONES!  You guessed it, I'll be pumped full of hormones to cause the egg to release.  Is this what it feels like to be a chicken?  Don't poultry get juiced up with hormones to make'em taste extra yummy?

I hope this works.

I opened up The Qur'an earlier this evening.  I was compelled to pick it up for guidance and the marker fell on Súra Luqmán (Ch 31) 34th ayat:

Verily the knowledge of the Hour is with God (alone). It is He Who sends down rain, and He Who knows what is in the wombs. Nor does any one know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: Nor does any one know in what land he is to die. Verily with God is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things).

It kinda helped me to realize that I should let go.  There are some things that are out of my control and I need to find peace to accept that.  This is something that I will work towards.