malinconica

16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom are just a couple of my guilty pleasures.  I HEART reality TV! Last night was 16 & Pregnant: Adoption Special and I was stoked becos earlier I had spent a little over 4 hours in an Adoption Resources training for work.  It's interesting that in all the seasons of these shows, only 3 cast members had chosen adoption.  One cast member had a scheduling conflict and wasn't on the show and the two that did attend were on different ends of the spectrum.  I mean, there was one girl who was completely confident that she made the right decision and takes pride in the fact that her daughter is with a great couple.  The other girl stated that she regret her decision and wondered why no one stopped her and goes on to ask if no one thought she could do it by herself?  Well...she chose to do a kin adoption and a month after relinquishing her rights she calls her aunt and uncle and asks for the baby back.  She then goes on to care for the baby for a minute and gives her back to the aunt and uncle.  It goes to show that a teen can't understand that permanency is best for a baby.

But in watching this special it was heartbreaking to see that these girls were experiencing such a grief at such a young age.  Another section of the special showed how there is a support group for teen mothers who have chosen adoption.  It got me thinking and I started doing a search for support groups here in Austin for myself.  I figured a good resource was The Bump since it covers all aspects of pregnancy.  What I didn't consider was that the last time I had visited this site was when I was pregnant.  So when I logged on I was greeted with a message in happy, obnoxious writing exclaiming "YOU'RE 22 WEEKS PREGNANT!"  I about lost it. I immediately edited my profile and made a couple of changes to memorialize this loss. 

I had trouble getting to sleep and when I decided to go to bed I ended up crying into my favorite pillow.  I didn't want to wake my husband, plus he was already annoyed with work that he had brought home.  Seriously annoyed would be a better term.  I hate when he gets into these moods.

I feel alone. I know I'm not, but I can't help but feel so lonely.

l'amore cos'è?

JANUARY 31, 2007 entry taken from my previous blog

The other night I was flippin' through channels and came across The Hills on MTV. This show is a spin off of Laguna Beach w/ the original character LC. Now, I have to admit that sometimes I get caught up in their drama. Why? Becos it's made for TV and it's my guilty pleasure. (along w/ I ? New York) Anyway, there was a scene where this guy takes LC to his condo and they're out on his balcony and he simply whispers,

"There's nowhere in the world that I'd rather be than right here with you."

There was a part of me that thought "Awwww, how sweet." While the other part of me thought "That's such bullshit, do guys really think like this? or is he just saying it becos the cameras are on?" So it got me to thinking...

"What is Love?"

I want to know. It should be a simple answer, right? Why does it make one so crazy? What is it about another person that makes us all googly-eyed and seem like we're floating on air? Have you ever been so caught up in someone that you lose track of who you are? That can't be healthy, right? And why is it that we always want what we can't have? Or why we want different things at the same time? Why? Why is it that musicians write these beautiful love songs and give us false hope of believing that such a Love exists? For example, Edwin McCain's I Could Not Ask For More or Daniel Beddingfield's If You're Not the One. I mean there are different levels of Love. But which one is right for me?

I used to think that I wanted a Love where I knew I couldn't live without that person. Somehow, that would let me know that he was right for me. But the more I think about it now, the more it scares me to think that if this one person isn't in my life…then life isn't worth living? That can't be right. Does my life have less value if the person I can't live without isn't there? Obviously, life feels great/better with that person around.