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Today: no fetal heart tone :'(

"I'm sorry." That's the first thing I heard Dr. K say after much silence.  I knew it the minute I saw it on the ultrasound screen.  Plus, he was very quiet and concentrating way too hard.

CRL: 6.3 weeks, Sac: 7-8 weeks. No growth in the embryo since last week exactly, only the sac.

I couldn't say anything.  I was numb. I looked at my husband and I think he was in shock, too.  

Dr. K left the room to let me get dressed.  I took one look at Maund and started bawling.  My cries were choked by my gasps for air and muffled by his shoulder.

Dr. K reentered and we spoke about everything.  He said I had 3 options of which I was already aware.  He offered to do a D&C with minimal curettage.  He said his preferred method was to use medication, and stressed that waiting for my body to do this naturally was not the best idea.  During my previous pregnancy nature kicked in quickly and I had no choice.  This time was different becos I had to decide what to do.  So Dr. K said to go home and think about things and call back with my answer before the end of tomorrow.

As much as I wanted to get this over with I decided that the D&C would not be an option.  For one, Dr. K is a great physician, but I think I would only ever trust our Dr. Massman with a procedure like this.  That means that I would have to be seen at my work and then the whole office would be up in my business.  I work 40 hours with my lovely ladies, but I want a little privacy every now and then.  That's another reason why I go elsewhere for all my other needs: gynecologist, allergist, general medicine, fertility. Scratch that.

I figured that I really want a baby.  I don't want to wait.  So waiting for my body to pass the pregnancy naturally could take anywhere from 10 days to a month.  Scratch that.

March 23, 2011 ~6.3wks

Medicines it is!  I know what to expect, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Just 7 days ago, we had gone in for an ultrasound and saw our baby wiggle a tiny bit.  We saw the heart beating and Dr. K even recorded and played the snippet of the heartbeat.  I was on top of the world and thought, "This is it!  It's finally it!"

FML.  Another loss.  Another disappointment.  Another failure.  A world of hurt.