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formaggio

It's not cheesey at all. ;)  

Zilker Botanical Garden, Jan 2008

piccolo sogno

Before I forget...

This dream felt so real.  I was cooking for your family, but it was a group effort.  Moussaka was the main course and I even tried to make a mini veggie one, too.  I asked K to mix the spices, "Mediterranean beat," I said and in response I heard, "Got it!" S&J were busy admiring, slicing, then baking the eggplant. You were crying slicing the onion and I was disgusted handling the lamb.  Then I remember handling some crazy meat substitute or maybe they were mushrooms....or maybe it was both.  Who knows.

The nice thing about the dream was that we were in your folks' kitchen and it felt good.

Then I heard someone heaving and that's when I woke up. No one was sick, Maund was just messing with his phone and perusing the "Fart Wars" mp3s.

I tried to go back to sleep, but it was no use; it was gone. But guess what? Atleast I slept in till 08:30!

sette giorni

E' da sette giorni da quando sei stato qui. Era piacevole da vedere i tuoi occhi, il tuo sorriso...mi piacerebbe vederne di più.

magari

17.1 mm!!!

            Then I got an injection in the stomach.

                              Fingers crossed.

My doctor was so excited about the follicles that his enthusiasm really rubbed off on me.  I'm rather fortunate to have a doctor who realizes that positivity begets positivity.  I guess in his line of work it wouldn't help to be stern and discouraging.  

troppo presto

Not just yet. :(

The doctor said that they prefer to use Ovidrel once the follicle is measuring 17mm.  My largest one today only measured 14.8mm.  He asked me to return tomorrow and now I'm really hoping I hit 17mm.

Once I left the office I was alright.  Although lately I've been paying more attention to songs and my music just got to me.  I cried in the car.  Maybe it was outta shear frustration, but it made me sad.

It's okay, I'll get through this.  I just have to wait till tomorrow.

un ricordo

I'm feeling a little nostalgic today.  There are so many emotions present that make me look back and wonder "what if?" I ask myself, "Why are you beating yourself up?" I don't have an answer and I don't pretend to, but one day I would like to find one. 

Tomorrow is cycle day 13 and I'll be having an ultrasound to look at my ovaries.  My doctor will be able to tell if the follicles are ready to let loose and if not, then hormones, Hormones, HORMONES!  You guessed it, I'll be pumped full of hormones to cause the egg to release.  Is this what it feels like to be a chicken?  Don't poultry get juiced up with hormones to make'em taste extra yummy?

I hope this works.

I opened up The Qur'an earlier this evening.  I was compelled to pick it up for guidance and the marker fell on Súra Luqmán (Ch 31) 34th ayat:

Verily the knowledge of the Hour is with God (alone). It is He Who sends down rain, and He Who knows what is in the wombs. Nor does any one know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: Nor does any one know in what land he is to die. Verily with God is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things).

It kinda helped me to realize that I should let go.  There are some things that are out of my control and I need to find peace to accept that.  This is something that I will work towards.

due giorni fa

"Unending Love"

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…

In life after life, in age after age, forever.

My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,

That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,

In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age-old pain,

It's ancient tale of being apart or together.

As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,

Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:

You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.

At the heart of time, love of one for another.

We have played along side millions of lovers, shared in the same

Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell-

Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you

The love of all man’s days both past and forever:

Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.

The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –

And the songs of every poet past and forever.

                                                       ~ Rabindranath Tagore

domani

I can't wait!

stimolando l’ovulazione

Down the hatch!  Just took my first dose of Clomid.  It's effin' cold here and I figured that downing the medication might cause hot flashes and warm me up.  But I've seen women at my office who suffer from hot flashes, so maybe it might not be as pleasant as I'm thinking it will be.

Today is cycle day 5.  I'm to take this medication each day for 5 days and from what I've read on other websites, it's best to take before bed.  Most women talk about the unpleasant side effects that might be alleviated by taking the meds at night.  Also, one of the nurses at work suggested to drink lots of water.

I just remembered I promised my sister I would call her after work.  It's nice to have family to share this with.  It was a tough decision to decide to share this with my sister simply becos I didn't want to worry her. I still haven't decided if I should tell mum.  We'll cross that bridge when we get there.

risposta

This we have now
is not imagination.

This is not
grief or joy.

Not a judging state,
or an elation,
or sadness.

Those come
and go.

This is the presence
that doesn't.

                                              ~ The Essential Rumi
                                                 Translations by Coleman Barks

l'inizio

Day 1 of my cycle.

Ah.  I'm kinda scared.  I don't know what to expect and I don't want to be disappointed for the umpteenth time.