salvami

Today was supposed to be a great day.  How did it end up like this?  It started out mediocre.  I thought about waking you up, but I stopped myself.  I got ready for work and made breakfast.  I heard my texting ringer and I rushed to see if it was you, but it wasn't. 

At work I enjoyed the silence of my office for a minute and then JayKay walked in.  I had delusions of getting a mountain of tasks done, but I wasn't able to focus.  I couldn't concentrate on any single task.  It took me all day to read over 6 policies; something I could have normally completed in an hour or two.  I was even inclined to ask if I could leave early. I didn't feel well at all and I remembered that JayKay and I recently decided we would ask staff to leave their personal lives at home.  I need to lead by example.  How can I expect others to take me seriously if I'm having trouble following these same rules?

Today my mind was "...gone, but I don't know where."  No joke.  It wasn't until after lunch that I realized yesterday I had designated a large task to myself to complete today.  No pussyfootin' around, I called Dr. K's office and asked what the next step would be?  I had some blood work done in May and was told that my pregnancy hormone levels had reached zero again.  That was exciting news to me at that time, until Dr. K instructed me to call back in a month for the next step.  I was so upset, but a month has gone by and I'm more than ready.  This is what I want.

After speaking with Dr. K's office it was decided that I will begin a Provera regimen.  That's a pill a day for 10 days.  I should start my period within 10-14 days and then call in for Clomid, I assume, that part wasn't discussed.

Besides not being able to focus, I received a letter from the state declining to pay an invoice I had sent regarding medical records.  I was just going off of direction from my higher-ups and I laughed becos I should have known better, but ah, these things happen.  I took me a good 20 minutes to fill out the affidavit they requested with the records.  It wasn't difficult to read, I just couldn't focus.  

On the way home I blocked out the majority of the drive.  How did I get home in one piece?  I needed to stop by the pharmacy to pick up my medication, but it looked way too crowded and I went home instead. Dinner consisted of chili dogs: kosher dogs, grated cheddar, plush bun...nice, right? During my last visit to HEB I decided to try out a different chili.  Today was not the day to try new things.  Today was a day for comfort foods.  If you couldn't guess, the chili was a no go.  Another disappointment.

After dinner I left to pick up my meds and it turns out that half of the parking lot is under construction.  No worries, I don't mind parking a little further, I need the exercise.  Once I got to the pharmacy I was surprised to see that there was practically no line.  Normally there's a 30 minute wait just to talk tosomeone around this time! Not today.  The lady before me was in a motorized cart and took up both counters.  I was waiting patiently for her to move out of the way and 2 other people lined up behind me. Outta nowhere, this Spanish speaker approaches the counter and another pharmacy tech tends to her.  Turns out that she needs to pick up a prescription, too, but instead of having her wait in line like the rest of us, she goes before me.  Guess what, I speak Spanish, too! Maybe I wasn't in the mood to wait! Maybe I just want to get the hell out of there and continue this shitty day! The pharmacist tends to me and I end up speaking with the girl who skipped me.  She gives me this attitude.  Hey, I could have raised hell, but I waited.  I didn't complain out loud, but in my head I was yelling. She asks me to confirm my prescription and was getting ready to check me out, but I have a new insurance which she never bothered to confirm.  When I mention this she rolls her eyes and tells me it will take 5 minutes.  As I step aside to wait I can feel the tears coming on.  Was this the straw that broke the camel's back?  My eyes welled with tears and the customer behind me noticed and gave me a look of "aww, I understand" or "aww, it's okay" and I smiled slightly, averted my eyes and tried to think of happy things.  By now the pharm tech was ready, I paid and left. 

I almost lost it at HEB, but instead I came home, changed into my pjs, curled up in bed and let a little stress go.  I don't have anyone to share this with.  That's a lie. I choose not to share this stuff.  That's why I have the entire worldwide web, an abyss of cyberspace where my thoughts can get lost. I choose not to share with people I know becos if you could really see inside my mind you'd wonder why I haven't been committed yet.  

My theme music for today 

come un sole che sorge

My morning drive to Killeen has been rather enjoyable lately.  Granted it's not a drive that I make often, but when I do I get a chance to enjoy my music, a cool breeze, and the countryside. And since it's summertime, the road is well lit, even at 06:15 in the morning.  I would have to say that driving on Phantom Warrior Highway is always the highlight of the drive.  Minus the 2 lane highway and always getting stuck behind an 18-wheeler.  But for over 3 years now I've been telling myself I need to take pictures of certain scenery.  I hope to follow through with this soon enough. 

After passing through Florence, TX, I noticed a massive rain cloud blocking the sunlight.  At that moment Come un sole che sorge by il Nucleo started playing on my iPod.  And when Andrea sings "...meravigliosa sorgente di luce" is when the sun started to shine through the darkness with such splendor! It was so perfectly timed, so well orchestrated, that I started to smile.  Paying more attention to the lyrics and having the sun follow me, peeping in and out of the cloud, I began to tear up.  So here I am driving with tears in my eyes, singing at the top of my lungs, and basking in the glory of a star that sits approximately 93 million miles away!

Now the ending of this song is one that I really enjoy. "Sono un sole che sorge! Un'altro piccolo sole che sorge..." and as I'm singing these last couple of lines the sun is to my right and reaffirming the goodness present today.

So this positive, energetic feeling got me thinking about Roma and hanging out with the band.  My anthem for that summer was Sospeso.  It was my introduction to il Nucleo, and come to think of it, it might have been the rest of Italy's introduction to the band, too.  July 4, 2003, I was scheduled to travel to Firenze with some classmates, but instead I stuck around Roma for work.  I was in much need of some me time and loçkë had gone to Kaçanik for a quick visit.  The week prior I had spent my afternoons visiting the different music stores looking for their album Meccanismi.  Everyone I asked knew nothing about them or didn't have it in stock.  I finally decided to visit their website and look for the actual release date.  I saw that instead they would be playing inside Messaggerie Musicali on Via del corso! I was super excited about both being able to see the band live and the fact that this was taking place on Independence Day! 

I had asked Rose and Nevin if they wanted to join me since they stayed behind, too.  And when I got to the store I was alone.  The crowd was scant to say the least (less than 20 and that's a stretch) and my friends ended up showing a little late, but they made it and helped the turnout look a little better.  The band came out and Rose and I were amazed at how beautiful they were!  I was so mesmerized by the music and how they played and how they were dressed and how they acted.  I was In LoVe!  After the set I went and purchased their CD and contemplated on having them sign it.  I was nervous and shy and it took some coaxing, but Rose made me approach them for their autographs.  I opened with, "Sono venuta dal Texas solo a vedervi!"  Texas was my foot in the door.  Andrea and Marcello exclaimed, "Ah, Texas!" and Marcel began to talk about a Houston experience.  After taking pix and getting the autographs, I walked back to Rose and Nevin and stood star struck for a moment.  

I noticed that all the hub bub was dying down and the band was still there.  I felt invincible and asked Rose and Nevin if I should ask them out.  "It couldn't hurt," was Rose's response and Nevin agreed.  So I summed up all my courage and approached the band.  I asked if I could buy them a drink and to my surprise they were more than excited.  We walked down to Trinity College and enjoyed some drinks, we talked about their experiences on their small tour, Texas, music and Andrea made a remark about being in Roma for the first time.  I was taken aback and offered them a tour of Rome called "Roma...by Night" which uncle Mario had taken us on our first night there.  Aunt Suzy's boyfriend was excited to practice his English and his night tour included 5 people crammed into a tiny white hatchback driving at lightning speed along very narrow roads to see some historical sights...by night. Just thinking about it makes me smile. We walked EVERYWHERE! La Fontana di Trevi, Piazza di Spagna, Piazza Venezia, Piazza del Popolo, Largo Argentina, il Colosseo, il Foro Romano, Mussolini's balcony (Andrea did a great impersonation), Via Veneto (Little America), Via Condotti, Piazza Navona, Trastevere...everywhere!  We ended with Trevi and threw in some change to return to Roma one day.  Gosh, those ragazzi really made that Independence Day memorable and it's nice to know that they haven't forgotten about their #1 fan dal Texas.