malinconica

16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom are just a couple of my guilty pleasures.  I HEART reality TV! Last night was 16 & Pregnant: Adoption Special and I was stoked becos earlier I had spent a little over 4 hours in an Adoption Resources training for work.  It's interesting that in all the seasons of these shows, only 3 cast members had chosen adoption.  One cast member had a scheduling conflict and wasn't on the show and the two that did attend were on different ends of the spectrum.  I mean, there was one girl who was completely confident that she made the right decision and takes pride in the fact that her daughter is with a great couple.  The other girl stated that she regret her decision and wondered why no one stopped her and goes on to ask if no one thought she could do it by herself?  Well...she chose to do a kin adoption and a month after relinquishing her rights she calls her aunt and uncle and asks for the baby back.  She then goes on to care for the baby for a minute and gives her back to the aunt and uncle.  It goes to show that a teen can't understand that permanency is best for a baby.

But in watching this special it was heartbreaking to see that these girls were experiencing such a grief at such a young age.  Another section of the special showed how there is a support group for teen mothers who have chosen adoption.  It got me thinking and I started doing a search for support groups here in Austin for myself.  I figured a good resource was The Bump since it covers all aspects of pregnancy.  What I didn't consider was that the last time I had visited this site was when I was pregnant.  So when I logged on I was greeted with a message in happy, obnoxious writing exclaiming "YOU'RE 22 WEEKS PREGNANT!"  I about lost it. I immediately edited my profile and made a couple of changes to memorialize this loss. 

I had trouble getting to sleep and when I decided to go to bed I ended up crying into my favorite pillow.  I didn't want to wake my husband, plus he was already annoyed with work that he had brought home.  Seriously annoyed would be a better term.  I hate when he gets into these moods.

I feel alone. I know I'm not, but I can't help but feel so lonely.