salvami

Today was supposed to be a great day.  How did it end up like this?  It started out mediocre.  I thought about waking you up, but I stopped myself.  I got ready for work and made breakfast.  I heard my texting ringer and I rushed to see if it was you, but it wasn't. 

At work I enjoyed the silence of my office for a minute and then JayKay walked in.  I had delusions of getting a mountain of tasks done, but I wasn't able to focus.  I couldn't concentrate on any single task.  It took me all day to read over 6 policies; something I could have normally completed in an hour or two.  I was even inclined to ask if I could leave early. I didn't feel well at all and I remembered that JayKay and I recently decided we would ask staff to leave their personal lives at home.  I need to lead by example.  How can I expect others to take me seriously if I'm having trouble following these same rules?

Today my mind was "...gone, but I don't know where."  No joke.  It wasn't until after lunch that I realized yesterday I had designated a large task to myself to complete today.  No pussyfootin' around, I called Dr. K's office and asked what the next step would be?  I had some blood work done in May and was told that my pregnancy hormone levels had reached zero again.  That was exciting news to me at that time, until Dr. K instructed me to call back in a month for the next step.  I was so upset, but a month has gone by and I'm more than ready.  This is what I want.

After speaking with Dr. K's office it was decided that I will begin a Provera regimen.  That's a pill a day for 10 days.  I should start my period within 10-14 days and then call in for Clomid, I assume, that part wasn't discussed.

Besides not being able to focus, I received a letter from the state declining to pay an invoice I had sent regarding medical records.  I was just going off of direction from my higher-ups and I laughed becos I should have known better, but ah, these things happen.  I took me a good 20 minutes to fill out the affidavit they requested with the records.  It wasn't difficult to read, I just couldn't focus.  

On the way home I blocked out the majority of the drive.  How did I get home in one piece?  I needed to stop by the pharmacy to pick up my medication, but it looked way too crowded and I went home instead. Dinner consisted of chili dogs: kosher dogs, grated cheddar, plush bun...nice, right? During my last visit to HEB I decided to try out a different chili.  Today was not the day to try new things.  Today was a day for comfort foods.  If you couldn't guess, the chili was a no go.  Another disappointment.

After dinner I left to pick up my meds and it turns out that half of the parking lot is under construction.  No worries, I don't mind parking a little further, I need the exercise.  Once I got to the pharmacy I was surprised to see that there was practically no line.  Normally there's a 30 minute wait just to talk tosomeone around this time! Not today.  The lady before me was in a motorized cart and took up both counters.  I was waiting patiently for her to move out of the way and 2 other people lined up behind me. Outta nowhere, this Spanish speaker approaches the counter and another pharmacy tech tends to her.  Turns out that she needs to pick up a prescription, too, but instead of having her wait in line like the rest of us, she goes before me.  Guess what, I speak Spanish, too! Maybe I wasn't in the mood to wait! Maybe I just want to get the hell out of there and continue this shitty day! The pharmacist tends to me and I end up speaking with the girl who skipped me.  She gives me this attitude.  Hey, I could have raised hell, but I waited.  I didn't complain out loud, but in my head I was yelling. She asks me to confirm my prescription and was getting ready to check me out, but I have a new insurance which she never bothered to confirm.  When I mention this she rolls her eyes and tells me it will take 5 minutes.  As I step aside to wait I can feel the tears coming on.  Was this the straw that broke the camel's back?  My eyes welled with tears and the customer behind me noticed and gave me a look of "aww, I understand" or "aww, it's okay" and I smiled slightly, averted my eyes and tried to think of happy things.  By now the pharm tech was ready, I paid and left. 

I almost lost it at HEB, but instead I came home, changed into my pjs, curled up in bed and let a little stress go.  I don't have anyone to share this with.  That's a lie. I choose not to share this stuff.  That's why I have the entire worldwide web, an abyss of cyberspace where my thoughts can get lost. I choose not to share with people I know becos if you could really see inside my mind you'd wonder why I haven't been committed yet.  

My theme music for today