un ricordo

I'm feeling a little nostalgic today.  There are so many emotions present that make me look back and wonder "what if?" I ask myself, "Why are you beating yourself up?" I don't have an answer and I don't pretend to, but one day I would like to find one. 

Tomorrow is cycle day 13 and I'll be having an ultrasound to look at my ovaries.  My doctor will be able to tell if the follicles are ready to let loose and if not, then hormones, Hormones, HORMONES!  You guessed it, I'll be pumped full of hormones to cause the egg to release.  Is this what it feels like to be a chicken?  Don't poultry get juiced up with hormones to make'em taste extra yummy?

I hope this works.

I opened up The Qur'an earlier this evening.  I was compelled to pick it up for guidance and the marker fell on Súra Luqmán (Ch 31) 34th ayat:

Verily the knowledge of the Hour is with God (alone). It is He Who sends down rain, and He Who knows what is in the wombs. Nor does any one know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: Nor does any one know in what land he is to die. Verily with God is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things).

It kinda helped me to realize that I should let go.  There are some things that are out of my control and I need to find peace to accept that.  This is something that I will work towards.

stimolando l’ovulazione

Down the hatch!  Just took my first dose of Clomid.  It's effin' cold here and I figured that downing the medication might cause hot flashes and warm me up.  But I've seen women at my office who suffer from hot flashes, so maybe it might not be as pleasant as I'm thinking it will be.

Today is cycle day 5.  I'm to take this medication each day for 5 days and from what I've read on other websites, it's best to take before bed.  Most women talk about the unpleasant side effects that might be alleviated by taking the meds at night.  Also, one of the nurses at work suggested to drink lots of water.

I just remembered I promised my sister I would call her after work.  It's nice to have family to share this with.  It was a tough decision to decide to share this with my sister simply becos I didn't want to worry her. I still haven't decided if I should tell mum.  We'll cross that bridge when we get there.