al posto tuo...

ci sarò io ;)

and in case i forgot to say this earlier...

I Love YoU

una notte

Today was a long day.  It wasn't even stressful, just long.  As I left the office, I noticed there was tons of traffic due to an accident that happened near there.  I spent a good 30 mins in traffic where it normally takes 10 mins to get home.  Once at home, I was greeted at the door by my kids. "Hey, babies! Where's your poopy dad?" And there he is, in all his glory. I find my husband moping on the couch, ready to let loose about his terrible drive home that lasted one hour.  All this before I set foot in the living room and put my bags down.

Since neither of us were in the mood to cook, I was volunteered to get take-out.  I had just loaded some music onto my iPod and wanted to listen to it, so I decided to take a detour to Chick-fil-A.  Yeah, it was out of the way and I was starving, but some music might do me some good.

Once in the drive-thru line (becos I was in my jammies and had no intention of getting out of the car) my iPod played "One Night at a Time" by George Strait and my heart melted.  My eyes started to swell with tears and I was transported to high school the minute I heard that drum intro and beautiful guitar picking.  This song, nay, this album reminds me so much of my high school sweetheart and I can picture us dancing the night away.  He was the kind of guy who when we danced held my hand like in a game of Mercy, except down by the waistline.  He liked to move that arm to the lock-step which really helped me learn how to dance. I remembered how and where he would place his hand on my back and I felt confident.  Or when he would rest his arm on my shoulder and hook it around my neck.  I guess it didn't feel so awkward considering the height difference. I remembered his half smirk and blue eyes.  All this while waiting for my Chick-fil-A order. Hilarious!

Ahhh, to be young again.   I miss those days.  Not having a care in the world, listening to music in my room for hours on end, and young love.  I laugh, but even I have to admit that it makes me smile thinking about "the good ol' days."

I love how George Strait can just stand there with the guitar, not play it, mind you, and still look gorgeous.
le sigh.

è così che se ne va

"You're too sweet...That's really sweet."

late night dinner

"You're in the corner. No one puts baby in the corner."

"Darling. Darling.  Love." (in a British accent)

fist pump

goodbye

preflight call

beto

In the studio - Sept 23-26

 

Pecan Street Festival - Sept 25

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abbracci

Tuesday was a short day at the office.  I still needed to schedule my follow up to surgery, but managed to put it off the past week.  I figured I would have to wait till the following week, but luckily, Dr. K had an opening. His mom fit me in to the afternoon schedule and it was a great visit!

I've mentioned in a previous post that Dr. K is my cheerleader.  His attitude and disposition is something that gives me hope.  When he walked in to the exam room he greeted me with a friendly "HI!" and a bear hug.  I like hugs.  It made me feel more like a friend/family as opposed to a regular patient.  

Earlier, when I was waiting in the lobby I had sent Maund a text: 

"Don't be mad, but I got out early today and Dr. K had an opening. Sorry." 

I know he wanted to be there for this appointment, but deep down I really feel it's becos he's more interested in skipping work than the issue at hand.  

"I'll take good notes. I promise :)"

First, Dr. K reviewed my questions and symptoms following the procedure.  Since everything seemed fine, I was released from restrictions which included no blood thinners, no vaginal activity, and no exercising/strenuous activity.  Second, we reviewed the findings of the procedure.  The results were just as expected, a benign polyp. Finally, we reviewed a new plan of action.

1. Continue prenatal vitamins

2. Call on the first day - full flow of my next menstrual cycle

3. Start a baby aspirin regimen (81mg/day)

4. Start Clomid to prime my follicles

5. Ovidrel injection to release egg(s)

6. Start Progesterone supplement

7. Weekly ultrasound to check development until Week 10

8. Transfer to my regular Ob/Gyn **Fingers Crossed**

I'm good with this plan.  I feel revitalized and ready to take on the world!  This is a completely different story from Monday.

Monday morning, my in-laws had joined Ang at her ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby.  All weekend long we took bets and the consensus was that she was having a girl.  So when my mother-in-law phoned me Monday morning, I was surprised when she said, "Well, it's a boy!"  I asked her to congratulate Ang and went about my day off.  I didn't have anything planned, but I decided to go shopping for things I don't need but have wanted and put off for awhile.  I found 1 thing on my list and the rest of my trip was pretty much a bust.  I was disappointed.

Back at home, I started over analyzing everything.  I started getting really angry and cried a little.  I was jealous and felt like the world was conspiring against me. Why is Ang pregnant? Why does Ang get to have the February/March/April baby? Why does Ang get a boy? In all honesty, I've always wanted a baby boy.  I have nothing but boy names picked out. I have 1....ONE girl name.  I sound crazy, I know.  I sound like a whiny, self-centered bitch. I know! I told myself I would just swallow these horrible thoughts and leave it alone, but I can't.  It's killing me not to be able to speak my mind.  I feel now like I can't be choosey or express what I want, like I have to settle for what's given to me.  It just makes me angry! 

This is how it was supposed to happen: 

Maund is the first born and we were supposed to have the first grandchild.  It really didn't matter what we had as long as we were first.  IF we didn't have the first grandchild then the only way to redeem ourselves was to have a boy to carry on his last name.  Now since the first grandchild is gonna be a boy coming from their only daughter, that means if we want our kid to be loved and showered with gifts equally then we have to have a girl.  And that's probably what's gonna happen.  I'll have a girl and give her a boy's name becos I hate female names.  I don't want a girl.  I've always wanted a boy.  I can work with a girl. 

I know it will be different once I'm pregnant and bonding with the baby, but ugh, I'm so mad!!!! Just thinking about this is frustrating.  Maybe I should give up and adopt.  

Yep, that's what I'll do.  Male Asian baby, it is!

cavalli

Happy Birthday, Pops!

Why is it that it takes losing someone close to make  you appreciate the others around you?

After Tio Nene's funeral, my sister said to me, "Now we have to share Dad with Lisa and Patty." And when I told Lisa what Nani had said, she agreed.  It was the silent assumption that Pops needs to go to all his doctor's office visits and follow orders.  Who knows what the future holds?  My Pops is stubborn, and he's so close to retiring that I'm worried it will be a struggle to corral him. At the same time, who wants to be wrangled? If you've spent your whole life stuck in a pen, is retirement like a horse running free in the wild?

Knowing him, he might turn up unannounced in his dream car, a Ford Mustang.  Or maybe he'll call from some other state telling me he's okay and enjoying a roadtrip.  Or maybe he'll move to a little ranch which he's dreamed about as long as I can remember.  Who knows?

But before I fret about the future, 

today I will rejoice in the fact that my Pops is another year older 

and still...

My Pops!

rifiuto

Beloved,
In what other lives or lands
Have I known your lips
Your Hands
Your Laughter brave
Irreverent.
Those sweet excesses that
I do adore.
What surety is there
That we will meet again,
On other worlds some
Future time undated.
I defy my body's haste.
Without the promise
of one more sweet encounter
I will not deign to die.

"Refusal" by Maya Angelou